***DISCLAIMER***
This is meant to be a wake up call for the ignorant. This is going to piss some people off but I just don't care. Sorry, not sorry. "Playing nice" hasn't changed the way our society stereotype people with disabilities. So, I am going to be real with everyone. I am not politically correct. I am not going to be nice. I truly give no fucks. I am not going to use cliches like, "The only disability is a bad attitude," or "I'm just differently able." No. Those are bullshit lines that will have no place here. If someone won't "stand up"--bad puns do have a place here--and say it like it truly is then nothing is going to change. So here is your warning....It's about to get nasty.
I'm disabled. Who fucking cares?!
Our society teaches us that anything is possible. We are America. FREEEEEDDDOOOOOMMM!!!
We stand up for what we believe in no matter what the cost.
We are doing that with some hot topics now-a-days.
-Gay Marriage
I had the honor of singing for two of my greatest friends and supporter's wedding almost a year ago.....Shelly and Christina! It's been almost a year!!!!..... Annnnyways, I didn't realize how amazing it truly was until one of the brides made a speech about how she never thought that wedding would ever happen. But it did! It was beautiful and amazing and about damn time!
-Civil Rights
I don't care if you like him or hate him....we voted in a black president. It's a thing. It happened....twice. (I'm not going to say "African-American" because Raven Symone listened to Sister Mary Clarence and saved it for Oprah...and she is right. He is American.)
And for all of you who are thinking, "We had a disabled president. FDR had Polio." FDR hid his disability because it was, "a sign of weakness." He can shove his New Deal up his disabled ass for all I care. He had his chance to help the future generations of disabled citizens but he chose to be ashamed of a physical characteristic.
-Women's rights
The feminists who support equality and not superiority regarding women's rights.....*High Five*
The rest of you who are making us look bad....
All of these things are being addressed in our country but the majority of citizens don't even realize there are Americans going overseas to play PROFESSIONAL wheelchair basketball because, as a country, we don't offer anything to that magnitude....'Merica.
Basically, we're taught that you can do anything....if you can walk.
Our society is obsessed with us walking. It's almost like I'm not a complete person because my spinal cord is fucked up. We are like broken toys that need to be fixed. But why?
The first question everyone asks me after I explain why I'm physically disabled sounds innocent and sympathetic but actually....it's degrading.
"So is there any hope of you walking again?"
Am I any less of a person if I say no?
"Oh. I'm so sorry.".....why?
Did you go to South Africa, Australia, Switzerland, and Canada to represent your country and kick ass? Did you go to college for your athletic capabilities at the university where your favorite sport was invented? Did you get to park in the handicap spot right by the door? No? Save your pity party for Sarah McLachlan and the sad dog commercials.
So, I tutor a spunky 10 year-old boy who will be called Peter Parker. When I first met him, he told me:
"I'm feel sorry for you. You have to do this everyday."
My response:
I feel sorry for you. You're 10. You can't go see R-rated movies by yourself. You can't stay home by yourself. You can't even drive. Man, that sucks, bro.
So, before you feel sorry for me, remember this year's incoming high school freshman never experienced the '90's. More than likely, they don't even know Will Smith was once a rapper...
School systems
You think you felt isolated and different in high school? Try being the only physically disabled student in a school of 2,000. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time in high school....simply because I didn't give a fuck what other people thought.
But it wasn't always that way....
I became disabled when I was in sixth grade due to a Spinal Arteriovenous Malformation. It is a birth defect that I never knew I had until the day after Christmas in 2002. I woke up from a nap and couldn't walk.
I spent seven weeks in the hospital and finally was able to come back to school to be with my friends. School was great....until P.E.
I was told by my P.E. teacher that I must sit in the closet where they stored the lunch tables during P.E. so I, "wouldn't get hurt." No one was allowed to come in with me. I was to just sit there and be quite. I was quiet.....Quietly sobbing because I was shut in a fucking closet!
One day during P.E., I sat on the sideline while they played soccer. I some how channeled my inner Shinobi and deflected the ball from hitting my classmate right in the face.
"You could of been hit. That's why you're suppose to be in there! Go in there. NOW!"
Bitch, please. I just saved her face.
Then, when I went to middle school, I was placed in special ed P.E. and remained there until the second semester of my Freshman Year of high school.
In that time, I had been selected for 3 First All-Tournament Teams for wheelchair basketball, broke 4 National Records [Discus, Javelin (beat my own the next year), and Shot Put], and won 1st and 2nd place at JV wheelchair basketball nationals.
But that all didn't matter. I was still wrongfully placed in special ed because of my physical disability. Why? Stereotyping.
Stereotypes
Stereotype: A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.
Everyday of our lives, we face stereotypes. Not only do my disabled peeps face them, but everyone is placed in pre-judged boxes depending on whatever is different about them. We use information gathered from passed experiences to determine what people are like before we even get to know them on a more personal level.
You're a cop?! You must hate black people.
You have tattoos? You must be unprofessional.
Oh, You're black. You must be ghetto.
You're so thin! You must be in shape.
You're Irish?! Here. Drink this beer and eat these potatoes.
You're blonde....so dumb. My IQ is dropping just from talking to you.
...I could keep going.
But I'm not here to break everyone's stereotypes for them....just disability ones.
Here is a website that perfectly describes what we face on a daily basis.
....my life summed up in 6 bullet points.
1. People with disabilities are different from fully human people; they are partial or limited people, in an "other" and lesser category. As easily identifiable "others" they become metaphors for the experience of alienation.
2. The successful "handicapped" person is superhuman, triumphing over adversity in a way which serves as an example to others; the impairment gives disabled persons a chance to exhibit virtues they didn't know they had, and teach the rest of us patience and courage.
3. The burden of disability is unending; life with a disabled person is a life of constant sorrow, and the able-bodied stand under a continual obligation to help them. People with disabilities and their families--the "noble sacrificers"--are the most perfect objects of charity; their function is to inspire benevolence in others, to awaken feelings of kindness and generosity.
4. A disability is a sickness, something to be fixed, an abnormality to be corrected or cured. Tragic disabilities are those with no possibility of cure, or where attempts at cure fail.
5. People with disabilities are a menace to others, to themselves, to society. This is especially true of people with mental disability. People with disabilities are consumed by an incessant, inevitable rage and anger at their loss and at those who are not disabled. Those with mental disabilities lack the moral sense that would restrain them from hurting others or themselves.
6. People with disabilities, especially cognitive impairments, are holy innocents endowed with special grace, with the function of inspiring others to value life. The person with a disability will be compensated for his/her lack by greater abilities and strengths in other areas--abilities that are sometimes beyond the ordinary.
side note....I'm in the Push Girls Hall of Fame. You know....just doin' thaannngs.
These are all valid stereotypes that need to be addressed. But what I hate the most out of everything that we endure as disabled citizens is....
"OMG. You're so inspiring! You're such and inspiration!"
.....excuse me?!
If I inspire you due to my literal prowess, my mad ukulele skills, or my decent sense of humor....we're good. Thanks. I appreciate it.
But if you tell me that I inspire you because I was able to get out of bed this morning, cook myself dank ass food, drive myself to work, and open the door to let myself in....Bitch, you better look yourself in the mirror because you did the exact same thing as I did.
I'm am not on this Earth to be the reason you reevaluated your life and got off your lazy ass to do something out of the ordinary.
"But you overcame adversity and are doing things that stereotypical disabled people don't normally do."
Fucking wake up. It's 2015. Disabled individuals have "overcame adversity" for decades now but you're too ignorant to even realize it.
And the only reason the need for us to "overcome adversity" is so apparent in our society is because most able-bodied people make it so. It's not like, "The man is holding us disabled people down," kind of bullshit. Rather, you're making a bigger deal of our lives than what really should be happening.
Employment
When going into a job interview, there should only be 2 possible outcomes:
1. Get hired.
2. Don't get hired.
When I go to a job interview, it's a little bit different...
1. Get hired based off my past experience.
2. Get hired based off of the company's tax write off for having a disabled employee.
3. Don't get hired due to understandable circumstances (lack of experience, other more qualified, etc.)
4. Don't get hired due to the assumption I cannot perform tasks adequately due to my disability.
1 and 3....totally fine with.
2 and 4.....NOT acceptable!
For several months, I've been looking for a job. I have sent over 40 different applications just on Care.com alone. I understand that parents receive numerous applications and they generally don't respond to all of them. Totally acceptable.
But when someone responds to your application praising your experience and asks to set up an interview with you but completely stops responding to your messages after you've informed them of your physical disability......That's fucked up.
This has now happened five times in a span of 2 months.
"Why hire the broken one with all of the experience when we can hire one in mint condition?"
Obviously, I wouldn't want to work for such ignorant ass-hats but why is it such an issue in the first place?
This stereotypical assumption is just part of the discrimination we face on a daily basis.
Oh. My legs don't work so I'm totally inept at child care. Why don't you say that to my long list of past employers and letters of recommendations. Oh wait! You didn't even look at them because all you saw was my wheelchair?! Here. Let me show you how I just climbed up the stairs to get into your house with just my arms and maybe we'll revise that whole, "I'm unable to take good care of your kids because I can't walk," bullshit.
Dating
Employment isn't the only place of discrimination we face day in and day out. Dating....oh dating.
The dating life is hard whether you're able bodied, disabled, deaf, black, thin, fat, or any combination known to man. But ask yourself....Truly think about it.....
Would you date someone in a wheelchair?
The answer may surprise you.
One day, Peter Parker looked at me and said:
"Rachel, your boyfriend must be really nice for dating you. My friend's dad was asked out by a lady in a wheelchair and he said no because she was disabled."
I had no idea how to even respond to this statement. We had an invigorating discussion about why it's different for someone to date a disabled person verse an able bodied person. After we finished up our little chat, he came up with the conclusion that there shouldn't be a difference but there is.
So, why is there such a negative stigma towards dating someone in a wheelchair. Please. Enlighten me. Because I truly don't understand.
I once had an on-and-off boyfriend....who will be known as Bruce Wayne....who broke up with me five or six times because--and I quote:
"Even though I think you're beautiful, society doesn't. And I'm embarrassed to be seen with you in public."
You would think after the first time he said that I would have learned.....but whatever. Don't judge me!.....it's okay. Judge me.
Again, why is this even a thing?
Adults = Ignorant
Children = Curious
That is why.
Curiosity may have killed the cat but at least it asked questions and didn't let negative stereotypes cloud its judgment.
My favorite thing in the whole wide world....right next to Ben Folds and bacon...is when children come and ask me questions. They have no bias. No hidden agenda. No predispositions telling them to stay away from the broken ones.
So, when adults tell their curious children, "We'll talk about it later. Stop asking questions," I get offended. It's like they're afraid their kid will catch my disabledness.
Anytime I see a child staring at me with curiosity and asking their guardian what's wrong with me, I immediately ask if they have any questions.
Commonly asked questions from kids:
"Why are you in a wheelchair?"
"Did you break your leg?"
"Where do you sleep?"
"How do you put your pants on?"
"Do you live by yourself?"
"How do you go to the bathroom?"
"You can drive?! THAT'S SO COOL!"
How are these questions going to hurt or offend me in anyway? So, the next time your child wants to know why someone is disabled, LET. THEM. ASK.
My goal is to educate the masses one random child at a time.
So, Rachel. Why did you write a passionate blog post on this topic?
Because this discrimination needs to fucking stop!
I am done being some sideshow freak to be gawked at in public. I am a human being. We are human fucking beings. We deserve better than that. How dare you treat us any different than you would a loved one or someone you respect just because we are incapable of walking up that flight of stairs you used to come down off your high horse. What makes you better than us? What gives you the right to make us feel inferior to you for something that we cannot control?
Oh. You can walk. Good for you! But I can do a wheelie, motherfucker. Look who's cooler.
Besides, wheels are way more efficient than legs! If you didn't hold yourself back, there's no way in hell I'm keeping up with you with my dumpy ass legs.
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